Some days.

Other days, not so much.

In fact, on many days we’re more likely to be second guessing our decisions, talking ourselves down and beating up on ourselves for falling short of the high bar we set for ourselves.

Too many actually.

If you’re like many women I encounter, you’re probably pretty hard on yourself. And even when you do something really well, you have a well worn habit of focusing more on what you have not done, or could have done even better.

That’s not to say some men can’t be tough on themselves also. However, when it comes to self-recrimination and shaming ourselves for our shortcomings, women reign supreme. It explains why, despite our best intentions to ‘forget perfect’ and live our ‘best life’ (and all the other platitudes that pepper our social media feeds), we often feel like we’re falling short.

Way short. So short in fact that we’re constantly waiting for other people to cotton on to the fact that we are not near as clever or capable or deserving as they thought us to be. Little wonder so many women suffer from imposter syndrome.

If you relate in any way, rest assured, you’re not alone.

In fact, you’re in the company of a legion of other ‘flawsome’ women – many of them immensely capable and incredibly accomplished – who often wrestle with a lingering sense of inadequacy, as though they are not ‘enough’ of something.

Let’s face it, we live in culture that celebrates perfectionism even as it censures it.

We are bombarded 24/7 with messages and imagery urging us to step up, shape up and live up to some idealized image of success, brilliance, beauty and ‘got-it-all-togetherness,’ it’s little wonder we often feel like we’re just not cutting it. Or if we are managing to keep it all together (including abs to die for, a killer career and adorable kids), that at any moment, we will fall behind.

Of course, as an intelligent woman, you intellectually understand that no one can be at their all-time best, all the time. Nor can we always do everything perfectly, first time, every time.

Yet despite our intellectual grasp of futility of seeking perfection, women are still masters at using our fallen moments as a baton to beat up on ourselves. This means we beat up on ourselves often. If you’re a new mom, double it. If you’re a working mother, double it again.

Having penned several books often placed in the ‘self-help’ section, no irony is lost on me that the very best self-help always begins with self-compassion…cutting yourself some slack and getting off your own back.

Counter intuitive as it may sound, when we are kinder to ourselves, embracing our fallibility and not over-personalising our failures, we don’t lower the bar and retreat to our sofa to binge on ice cream or down our favorite bottle of red (though such therapy has its place).

In fact, research on self compassion shows just the opposite. We expand our capacity for loftier goals and build our resilience for when our efforts fall short.

So if you often feel like you are not measuring, then give yourself permission to not do it all perfectly, first time, every time, but rather to embrace your learning and own your fallibility.  

Countless times over the years, raising my four kids, supporting my husband, taking care of injured siblings and aging parents, I’ve fallen short of being the eternally loving and ever on-my-game woman I’d love to be.

I’ve also made more than my share of missteps in pursuing my aspirations  outside the home. But along the way I’ve learnt that our greatest growth doesn’t flow from the times life is easy or from those times we totally nail it. It flows from those parts of us that we’ve been wrangling with our entire life; the vulnerable parts that dial up a notch or three when plans go awry, life presses in and our doubts dial up.

In the end, we are not so much human beings as we are ‘human becomings.’

It takes our whole life to peel away the layers of fear and to shed the shame we’ve unconsciously acquired to become the full quota of the woman we have it within us to become.

We accelerate that process each time we look our fear in the mirror and consciously decide not to let it call the shots. Each time we do, we dilute the power fear can wield in our lives and amplify our own.

In the space that opens up when we let go our attachment to ever fully ‘arriving,’ we gain access to a deeper dimension of living. One in which we can savor more moments of wonder and gratitude for the magical mystery tour that our lives are.

One in which we are able to love ourselves for who we truly are, and be freed from our constant comparisons to the idealised image of the ripped, runway ready, super woman we think we’re supposed to be.

Imagine the possibilities that could open up for you if, every day (or just as often as you can manage it), you stepped into your life grounded in the knowledge that you don’t have to be more or less of anything in order to be ‘enough’ — to be ready enough, good enough, smart enough, worthy enough, lovable enough.

Imagine, if instead of continually striving to be the woman you think you should be, you embraced the innate adequacy of the woman you already are?

We’re living in turbulent times; times when divisiveness and dehumanisation are being normalised by those whose interest it serves. It’s in times like this that people are hungry to reconnect with the higher angels of our nature and the truest bonds of our shared humanity.

Which is why it’s not just your responsibility to stop diluting your power by second-guessing your greatness, it’s your obligation.  You have gifts to share and truth to speak and a mark to make.

It’s time to stop selling yourself short and own your power as a change maker, beginning with no longer short changing yourself. As Marianne Williamson, now a candidate for the Democratic Presidential Nomination shared with me on my Live Brave podcast:

“When we talk ourselves down we diminish ourselves and play a smaller game than, in our heart, we know we are called to play.”

So if there’s anything you get from reading this article, it’s this:

Trust yourself more, doubt yourself less and own your ‘enoughness.’  

If not now, then when?  Don’t wait until ‘one day’ to decide you’re ready enough, deserving enough or confident enough before you raise your sights and dare to try.

Only by daring to pursue the highest vision for your life right now, to defy the naysayer in your head, can you ever come to realize how very wrong it was.

Not only that, but when you embrace your humanity and choose to show up fully, both fallible and fabulous, wholly imperfect and innately worthy, you give other women permission to do the same.

To roar. With grace and grit; with courage and compassion.

Not to pull anyone else down, but to lift everyone else up.

What greater gift there is?

An imperfect mom, author & speaker, Margie Warrell is leading her Live Brave Women’s Weekend this fall outside Washington DC. Connect on Linked In.